Dec. 19, 2025 — In a bold move aimed at increasing efficiency, fiscal responsibility and seasonal realism, Lackawanna County officials today announced the hiring of a fourth county commissioner. The new appointee: The Grinch, longtime resident of Mount Crumpit and nationally-recognized expert in curmudgeonry.

County leaders say the decision reflects a commitment to innovation and a willingness to think slightly to the left of Whoville. “The Grinch brings a unique skill set we simply couldn’t ignore,” county officials said. “He has decades of experience identifying unnecessary spending, eliminating excess cheer and asking the tough question no one else wants to ask -- Do we really need this?”

As commissioner, the Grinch will immediately take charge of:

Budget oversight: Known for his ability to detect waste from a mile away, the Grinch is expected to single-handedly balance the county budget by canceling redundant programs, confiscating surplus decorations and repossessing any inflatable larger than a compact car.
Snowstorm management: With extensive experience living atop a frozen mountain, the Grinch offers unmatched expertise in winter preparedness, cold-weather survival and general disdain for snow emergencies.
Public meetings: Officials anticipate shorter, more efficient meetings thanks to the Grinch’s intolerance for long-winded speeches, small talk and “circle-back” discussions.

County officials acknowledge that the Grinch’s tenure may result in fewer decorations, lower noise levels, and a sharp decline in unsolicited joy -- but insist this is a small price to pay for responsible governance. “The Grinch reminds us that government doesn’t need to be flashy,” officials noted. “It just needs to work. Preferably in silence.”

The Grinch will be sworn in later this month, assuming he doesn’t steal the oath, the pen, or the podium beforehand.